More Resources and updates

Well I recently rented The Praeger Handbook of Transsexuality It is a pretty good read, and has a lot of good information, I'm thinking about buying a copy, but I can wait on that. I did get some good sites out of it

transwoman.tripod.com
Annelawrence.com/twr/
Ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/conway.html

They all have a lot of good useful information, one thing I was wondering was if post op women were arroused in much the same way genetic women do. They do, which is a great weight off my mind as I had been curious about that for a good while.

In other news, i've rethemed my desktop again, now its pink and black and white, Its quite cute and I think I'll keep it like this for awhile...or at least until I get tired of it. (pics included)

I've been puting some thought into my thesis, though I should probably not worry about that as much until I get a bit more close to writing it, but it is a bit ...much to think about, hopefully I can get a clearer picture of what all is involved in it down the line, though it is neat to think I will be a published author once it is done.

Which leads me to another issue...names. I've already got a name I like picked out, but that doesn't really help me in dealing with my resume, and how I alter that. Will I need to get my degrees reissued? Can I even do that?  It seems pretty silly to get a degree if I have to leave it off my resume because it isn't in my new name.

Anyways, I've been fighting depression this week, I should have gone to therapy on Tuesday but had to reschedule for a thesis seminar. Seems i'm having to tell myself "just hold it together" more often this week than most. I had some people ask me about what was wrong, but getting advice from people you are close to, but not really connected to never really seems to do much good. I am however, as always, a wonderful actress. Most of it I can pass off as stress (as a good deal of my emotional burdons are) but it is just easier to pass it off to people who don't really grasp the concept than to bother explaining it in a way they would understand.

But...whatever, life is what it is.

Isn't it cute



And one more...

Fall is in the air

Well It has been far to long since I've written. Developments? Well I told my brother about being trans, that was interesting...well not so much interesting as random. I was driving back from an electrolysis appointment and was sitting in traffic when I got the random urge. I told him I didn't really know how to tell him except in "surprise random text message". He was generally understanding and supportive. We have a common bond in our ability to poke fun and bitch about our father, which is nice sometimes lol.

Speaking of Electrolysis, I've my third appointment on Wednesday, it isn't terribly painful, but it isn't fun either. I asked her about how long it would take to be all said and done and she said at least a year. That seems to be inline with my estimates, so that wasn't a big shocker. While I am glad to get started, I am still wanting to get the other big program on the road HRT (hormone replacement therapy) is something I wish I could have started before my birthday, but there isn't much to do about it now.

In other news, Fall is finally here, and I love it, It makes me feel so rejuvenated and refreshed, I just wish I had more appropriate clothes. I have a few jackets and such, but they all make me look/feel very top heavy with the pants/bottoms that I pair with it. I'm going to have to see what I can pick up this season, hopefully something cute, but money is always an issue.

Which leads me to other stresses. Today its Daylight savings time. DST doesn't start until NEXT week, but that didn't stop me from waking up an hour later than I normally do anyways for no reason. Damn farmers.

Emotionally, things are unstable. I have so much stress with school at the moment, and so little energy  and motivation with which to deal with it. I think above all I am just tired, so unbelievably tired of having to deal with any and everything anyone decides to lob in my direction. Sometimes I think it would be better to just commit myself to get a break from my life, if not to preserve my sanity and safety.

Financial Backing (out)

Well, life just got a bit more stressful. I've got a laundry list of things to do on my plate, and I will be glad once this semester is over. I have to register for Grad School tomorrow, yet I don't know how I am going to go about financing it. The plan I had is apparently...not going to work anymore. If I can get my assistantship I can cover my living expenses, but that doesn't say much about the tuition bill. So I am going to have to find some other sources of income for that. I really don't want to take out a loan to do so, but It is a last resort if I must.

I was upset about the news because it doesn't seem fair in my book, but that is life, and i'm not going to rant on about the fairness of the system that rewards those who abuse it. I've worked harder, and more diligently than the rest, and i'm rewarded by financial punishment.  If that isn't enough to demotivate a girl I don't know what is.

It is what it is however, and I just have to live with it. Much like everything else I deal with, it is just more added onto the top of the mountain. At least I've climbed up a bit higher recently, I started my electrolysis. While it isn't...fun per say, it isn't terrible. I found good practitioner with decent rates, and it will hopefully not take to long. I've got two appointments already scheduled, so that is an interesting bit.

There is just so much stress going on in my life, and I can't seem to focus on what I need to get done at all. I work well under pressure, but that is assuming I can actually focus on what I have to do, which right now should be studying for an exam tomorrow, but I just can't focus on the material.

And on a last sad note, I think I may be becoming an alcoholic. Though I've caught it, and don't plan on letting it get out of control (i've always had good self discipline), at least now I can say I know why lol.

News: Hooray more discrimination...sorta?

Kids Pulled from Transgender Teacher's Class

What I want to know, is:

1. Why would anyone pull their kids out of the persons class for any reason other than to spite the school, who was just following their legal obligation?
2. What difference does the persons gender change have on their ability to teach music in said class?
3. What business is it of the parents, if the person wants to change genders?

I stick with Bill Maher on this one, "I think Dark Side of the Moon is worth ten dead kids, there I said it".

Amen brother.

Graduation

So whats new in the life of //Amelia? Well, I'm glad you asked. *ahem* To begin with, I've got my first electrolysis appointment this week. Which should be interesting, I've gotten a tattoo before, so I'm pretty sure i know what it is going to feel like, but I am still anxious. I don't care what trends may come, facial hair on women is never going to be in style.

Speaking of tattoos, in the chat rooms someone said that you can't show up someplace classy with a back tattoo in a backless gown. Which made me a bit self conscious about mine. While I show it off when I feel it appropriate, and I love it, it does make me hesitate to show it off at say a fancy formal event...though I suppose at this point in time that is the last of my worries.

In other news, I got my graduation announcements...part of it is missing however, so I am going to wait to see if it turns up and if not...either reorder it or call some people. Nothing is ever easy, of course I didn't get a invoice with my order, just a packing slip, joy. Also, I suppose the big news, is that I was accepted into Graduate School. Registration is next week, so great, more things to do in October HA. I hope the rest of my life isn't this stressful. I talked to a friend of m mine who is also in grad school, and she impressed upon me to get a masters in the field that interests me, and while I do like business, it may not be the best choice for me. Though, at this point I think it is a bit to little to late (I'd have to reapply and so on), but I will check out some of the other programs. My next choice would probably be psychology.

Which brings us to a new subject, my brothers, be them blood or non. Starting with the biological one, I went up to Austin yesterday to celebrate his birthday, gave him a card and a gift certificate etc etc. Was generally pleasant, and was repaid with snide comments for no apparent reason than to be an ass. I can forgive being an ass if say, he worked hard, or somehow justified it in his actions, but he doesn't. He is a 26 year old spoiled brat who boast of his own self interest and gluttony.
    And the other? Well, I recently became aware of just how well Tony and I get along, we share most of the same interest, and even act pretty similar. Tony calls us the odd couple since we are so different in traits, yet so similar in personality. So in a way I refer to him as the brother I never should have had. Which I am very appreciative of.

So, what is left to rant on about? Well lastly, I died my hair back red again, I really enjoy the color as I feel it is Amelia's color rather than my natural one. It makes me feel more like myself, rather than who everyone thinks I am. I'm still working on my brows and getting my voice and makeup routine down, but things are always a work in progress. Seems I never have the time of day, but that is something I'm quickly realizing I never will have enough of.

Purple

So a bit of an update, I still haven't gotten word on my graduate application, so hopefully tomorrow or so. I told a friend of mine that I would take some head shots of her since she is moving to New York to attend a dance/sing/Broadway type of school (the name escapes me) and needs some good shots. However, I'm also going to have to another assignment that same day.

I was going to write a long rant about group projects and how they are being overused for no reason, don't really teach us anything, and make life more difficult. But that sentence works just as well.

Also on a short note, financial markets: poop. The end.

So where does that bring us? Well, I haven't yet called things off with the romantic interest, I think I am just going to ...slow it down a bit and add some space there to insulate me from her for a bit. At least until I can figure out how to adapt to this. As I mentioned in the prior entry, I have been utilizing youtube a bit, and have found a lot of inspiration in it. Maybe all hope isn't lost just yet (just the majority of it). I'm trying to stay positive, but as always, fatalism is my plague.

Youtube: Resources & More

I'm not sure If I've spoken about the vast resources and encouragement
on youtube, but here are a few i've been watching. Note that, as with
all popular social networks, there is a huge supply of assholes to
voice their abhorred opinions about anything their feeble minds doesn't comprehend.

That said, onto the goods:

CandiFLA
- For some reason I just find her hilarious. She has a pretty good
instruction getting a female voice. The earlier videos are a bit rigid,
but after she loosens up and gets into her groove she kills.

My current favorite of hers is the 10 reasons to date transsexuals...Note that if offends pretty much everyone, but its meant to be taken lightly.

Karmatic1110
For those wanting a bit more...edge. I love her opinions, and I love
how she isn't afraid to give them to you. I haven't watched to many of
her videos, but she has a good voice lesson also.

But alas, I
did finally register a youtube account, perhaps I will post videos, but
at this point I think my skill is in written words, vs video. My
roommate however does well with video, so perhaps that may turn into
something.