It's funny how one can go through a major event, like I've just done, return, and then immediately get swept up in the sea of change. I don't know if that is psychosomatic, or perhaps just the interdependence of events.
In returning, I face the very real possibility of being out of work for the first time in years. Not that, I've any real motivation to stay at that company, it's more I've a motivation to have income. Food, rent, and the like will do that to you. It's funny that this type of slavery just seems to be socially acceptable because you get your choice of chains.
Outside that, and the incredible stress of that challenge, I face the recovery process, and the rehabilitation schedule. Not that I see either of those being made easier by my employment situation.
In all of this, it seems in gaining one of my life goals, it's cost me a relationship (sorta), and a job (likely). Not that, these things aren't replaceable, or that somehow it wasn't worth it. I just wish the consequences (real or imagined) would be a bit more spread out.
There is chaos brewing, and it is not the fun world shaping kind.
In that, I find myself projecting things, and idealizing old hopes of romance. Looking for those long lost loves that might come back around because suddenly everything is different. I realize how naive that is, but somehow I get swept up in the permanence of it all. There is strength in the law of fatalistic romance. Or, perhaps, it's just a buoy in the ocean of chaotic change I'm facing.
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