My life part 10,878: Voldemorte Returns

I really dislike losing friends. A while back I had asked for my ex to be excluded from an event that I considered to be our anniversary. I wouldn't be able to go, and having recently split up, the idea of her there with her other partner, felt violating to me. Any other day/event I'd have been fine with, but not that one.

There are a few problems with that idea. For one, it isn't my place to dictate where a person can't go because I have an emotional attachment. It's my baggage to deal with, and I shouldn't be hoisting it onto to other people. Two, it's an abuse of my connection to a host of events, I can't imagine he would exclude someone based on a different person's request, but he did here largely because of his feelings towards me. Third, I should have talked to my ex about it directly, rather than going around her to achieve my desires, though granted, I can't imagine a scenario where she accepts the request (likely one reason I opted not to go through her).

In all of these, I'm in the wrong. My friends, who've talked to me about it, have all largely agreed in that. I don't claim to defend any of the above, but just explain it.

I've hurt her because of that said action, and hence apologized as that wasn't my intent. I wasn't trying to punish anyone, just protect what to me, felt like a vulnerability. Again, exposition.

What, turns that into the ending of a friendship/relationship (I left for Thailand on fuzzie terms), is the point where the communication breaks down. Lashing out in an attempt to drive me away is a shitty form of saying "I need some space". I tried and offered to help in anyway possible, from giving space, to the inverse, to never seeing her again if that was desired. Those aren't my preferred outcomes, but I'll accept them. I do however need them verbalized clearly though, that isn't asking much. 

I don't have the time or energy to deal with that. Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it. What I did was wrong, and if that breaks that friendship for you, okay, I'll accept that, but you have to tell me directly.

As is, I remain open to reconnecting, though I don't see that happening anytime soon. It's disappointing, and sad, and a little petty. Anyone who's read this knows repeatedly the slights and hurts I've dealt with over the past two years, this, seems rather pale in comparison yet there it is.