Everywhere I look I see death and horror. I check the news and see nothing but rape, murder, intolerance, "justifiable homicide". There, is an abundant amount of negative energy being pushed at me. Ejaculated onto me by the cosmic rapist that is my fate. I ache. My eyes hurt from weeping, my head aches from the weariness. I have just basic amounts of energy to do anything.
I look to people, and only find myself unwanted and pushed away. I apparently require too much time, or too much energy to be around. I am too much of a burden to people, my issues are too much to adapt or navigate around, though, I can photocopy a map of them for you.
People, move on, they live their lives, they lie, to me, and to themselves.
I am amused by how skittish and frightened my strength is. It is a lie, a mask, that I put on when I pretend to be someone I'm not. I wear it because being honest with people is too painful. Being honest with myself, is too painful. Letting people close to me has only resulted in people hurting me. Even when I try and negotiate, they hurt out of neglect, indifference, and ignorance.
I reason it away. Oh well of course, This person has this going on, that takes priority. That person is dealing with this right now, so that explains this. Another person is doing this other thing, so don't expect much, but this person had this happen, so it makes sense that this might happen.
Everyone has a reason, an explanation, it all makes sense. Hurting someone is justifiable when they mean nothing to you. But hey, simply say you're sorry and everything is alright. Right as rain. Reign over me. April showers bring may flowers, yet, it is June now and I still don't have an umbrella.
I have endless reasons to leave, yet I can't find the motivation to rip out a kidney. Do I keep it, letting it poison me in the hopes it will heal one day. Or do I remove it, and go on forever damaged and impaired. Memories are a comfort, but, regret is not.
I look to people, and only find myself unwanted and pushed away. I apparently require too much time, or too much energy to be around. I am too much of a burden to people, my issues are too much to adapt or navigate around, though, I can photocopy a map of them for you.
People, move on, they live their lives, they lie, to me, and to themselves.
I am amused by how skittish and frightened my strength is. It is a lie, a mask, that I put on when I pretend to be someone I'm not. I wear it because being honest with people is too painful. Being honest with myself, is too painful. Letting people close to me has only resulted in people hurting me. Even when I try and negotiate, they hurt out of neglect, indifference, and ignorance.
I reason it away. Oh well of course, This person has this going on, that takes priority. That person is dealing with this right now, so that explains this. Another person is doing this other thing, so don't expect much, but this person had this happen, so it makes sense that this might happen.
Everyone has a reason, an explanation, it all makes sense. Hurting someone is justifiable when they mean nothing to you. But hey, simply say you're sorry and everything is alright. Right as rain. Reign over me. April showers bring may flowers, yet, it is June now and I still don't have an umbrella.
I have endless reasons to leave, yet I can't find the motivation to rip out a kidney. Do I keep it, letting it poison me in the hopes it will heal one day. Or do I remove it, and go on forever damaged and impaired. Memories are a comfort, but, regret is not.
No comments:
Post a Comment