Passing Through

I'm trying not to focus on the recent political events, but I just can't seem to see any light at the end of that tunnel. It seems for every step forward we make as a country, we're determined to spend another decade going the other direction. That is fine when you are the privileged majority of the country, that doesn't need access to healthcare or equal rights.

Anyway, on to more personal matters. I've avoided cutting since last Saturday, and I haven't had the urge too much so far. Thought my hip is healing up and starting to scar over. It seems everyone I interact with shows me nothing but ugliness and distaste. Granted that I may be focusing on the negative (surprise surprise), but I've yet to find anyone to show me something beautiful. I had a romantic burst with an old friend of mine the other night, but, while enjoyable, was fleeting and nonsustaining. I always enjoy these encounters, but they also seem so hollow and meaningless.

I was afraid of moving away for a while, I thought the loneliness would be too much, but the loneliness here is just as bad. At least in a new place there isn't any false pretenses to keep up, no routines for the sake of routines.

I find myself not wanting to put up with these things anymore. I know it would be rude, but I simply don't care to associate with people who aren't genuine with me. Soon enough it will be over though. Graduation is a little over a month away, and then I can begin anew, hopefully anyway. At this point it is beginning to look like staying here would be worse for me than leaving.