Honestly

Okay, I'm going to try and be honest about how things are going. Not that I'm dishonest in these posts, but I tend to make things vague and buried within metaphor. I've been cutting fairly regularly, and my hip is beginning to look pretty nasty. It is to the point that I'm doing it in the bathroom while people are over. I would like to say that it isn't out of malice for myself, but just an act to feel something, anything.

Today I woke up, and proceeded to go right back to bed until around 7pm. I normally wake up around noon or so, and thus waking up in the mid afternoon isn't terribly uncharacteristic, but finally waking up around 7pm is. I felt very much like I was clouded in fog all day. A friend of mine came over, to which I was very nondescript and aloof. I'm not sure what gave me the urge to cut again today. We went over to a party where I hung around a bunch of people in relationships, and watched them interact. I'm honestly trying to snap out of this, and it at times somewhat works, but it always feels like I'm just taking small steps out of the hole, and not actually getting out of it. In the interim, I may have to find a new place to exercise my vices.

FYI, The concert was awesome, but I didn't feel the connection I was looking for.