I've been feeling restless recently. I think some of it is Summer's general lack of direction at the moment. Between job hunting (15-20% unemployment rate among the young), and the lack of any real activity to do aside from it, I exhaust my hobbies fairly quickly. I find myself staring into my monitor for many hours on end again. Something I haven't done for quite a while.
I think some of it is that I'm coming to the end of a chapter in my life. My relationship will be ending in August, which will be the last semester I spend here. I have to transition to the "real world", and try and make that work. I've found another apartment (my last in this town), and am anxious to get that on the move.
In general, I feel like I'm wasting daylight. Days go by and I don't do anything, and I wonder what exactly I am loosing. Perhaps some of it is my partner's bucket list (ze's moving in August). I think that fact has also started to weigh heavily on me, and my decisions. I know it has a habit of exacerbating things I don't find ideal, and question the reasoning for being involved with someone.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. I am so unbelievably tired of worrying about money. I'm anxious for this new chapter to start...but it seems this middle bit is dragging on, and being poorly written. Instead of a dramatic build up to a climax, it is slowly, nauseatingly, dragging out minute details for no reason.
It makes me wonder why I'm reading it.
I think some of it is that I'm coming to the end of a chapter in my life. My relationship will be ending in August, which will be the last semester I spend here. I have to transition to the "real world", and try and make that work. I've found another apartment (my last in this town), and am anxious to get that on the move.
In general, I feel like I'm wasting daylight. Days go by and I don't do anything, and I wonder what exactly I am loosing. Perhaps some of it is my partner's bucket list (ze's moving in August). I think that fact has also started to weigh heavily on me, and my decisions. I know it has a habit of exacerbating things I don't find ideal, and question the reasoning for being involved with someone.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. I am so unbelievably tired of worrying about money. I'm anxious for this new chapter to start...but it seems this middle bit is dragging on, and being poorly written. Instead of a dramatic build up to a climax, it is slowly, nauseatingly, dragging out minute details for no reason.
It makes me wonder why I'm reading it.
I can tell you one thing that will make you feel better always -- get busy any way you can.
ReplyDeleteAnd one of the best things to do to start to feeling really good is to HELP OTHERS. Volunteer building houses, planting trees, taking animals for walks at the SPCA, or bringing them to old folks homes, help in a soup line, teach someone to read, stacks books in a local library, offer to read books to sick kids, hold crack babies... whatever. Just show up and give of yourself and your internal world will change in a big way.
And so will the rest of the world. You will see things have meaning that you never saw before, and you will also see that you have great value and indeed can affect some kind of change in the world instead of feeling impotent. Regardless of the scale of that that change you can affect, it will make you feel like you spent your day very very well. And that brings peace and quiets a lot of the racket.
It makes you care, it makes you hope a little, it makes you interesting, it makes you grow. It gives love and love is powerful. It creates good and good makes more good, and good people are drawn to good. I'm telling you one of the simple secrets of life, if you can hear. Go for the light.