I had an...emotional night tonight. I had grown bored and decided to get off. It was...unsatisfactory as masturbation normally is, but it was the first time I failed to produce any actual fluids. This stuck at two inner notions that were at the back of my mind. The first being that as I grow more and more sterile, the possibility of reproducing genetically decreases. The later, being a strong paralyzing fear of no longer being sexual.
One of the things I worry about most in the SRS is that numbness is prominent among the results. I fear not being able to feel anything, and also not being able to have an orgasm.
I immediately tried again and got results, but with increased effort.
I fear that combined with an asexual nature, not being able to feel anything or have an orgasm will lead me to abandon sex all together. That idea, is deeply depressing. I find the intimacy of the act to be one of the best things in the world when done right, and even the possibility of it not being in my life haunts me.
One of the things I worry about most in the SRS is that numbness is prominent among the results. I fear not being able to feel anything, and also not being able to have an orgasm.
I immediately tried again and got results, but with increased effort.
I fear that combined with an asexual nature, not being able to feel anything or have an orgasm will lead me to abandon sex all together. That idea, is deeply depressing. I find the intimacy of the act to be one of the best things in the world when done right, and even the possibility of it not being in my life haunts me.
The more you worry about it, the harder it is to get off. This is TMI maybe, but I've never been able to orgasm with another person, and sometimes it's hard to impossible to get off by myself. I let my mind get carried away and I lose track of what's happening in my body.
ReplyDeleteIt happens. :/