Outlook: Not So Good.

I'm not sure where to begin. I'm a mess. I could barely watch the movie Up without crying hysterically through the whole thing. Not that it is exceptionally sad, but the idea it offers for a narrative hits a sore spot for me. This was compounded by a rather surprising and serious conversation with a good friend of mine in regards to our as of yet unlabeled relationship. We've had feeling for each other for a while off and on, but recently started getting together more often. This led to said conversation, which ended with the conclusions that telling her family about us would likely destroy us as a couple, and fears of her being a rebound, and my concern of my issues effecting her family and her family life. So it seems I'm destined to be an under-the-table fuck at best, and distant friends at worst. Which, well I've get all the distant friends I can just about stand at this point.

I really shouldn't drink anymore. It's turning into a nasty catalysts for my negative emotions. I won't be able to see my therapist again over the holidays, which is complicating things. I really don't feel up to dealing with the holidays and all this bullshit. The irony of spending quality family time when I feel completely alone somehow seems to escape everyone except me.  My family is great and all, but they're akin to pets, you love them, but they don't comfort you at night. Much like my many other distant friends, they advertise their openness and willingness to help, but there isn't a supporting relationship there to facilitate said communication. I feel emotionally battered, between my own self destruction, and other people's negligence and indifference, there simply isn't much left.