Sweetness Lost

I can tell that I'm moving on. I find myself no longer compulsively thinking of my ex, and now, when I do run across something that does remind me, I don't communicate that. I've lost the urge to be sweet, to remind hir that ze is in my thoughts. It, feels very hollow, and depressing though. I enjoy, being able to do those things, and to share how I feel with someone. I enjoy being attracted and sweet to people, and to mean it.

That just feels lost now. I find myself perusing for people. Not as a replacement, but just as companionship. I still have desires that aren't being filled, and weren't being filled regardless of the status of my most recent relationship. I find myself being cautious however, that I don't pursue someone who mimics my ex-partner. The nightmare scenario I have is that I end up pursuing someone who is exactly like my ex. I think that is unfair to all parties involved, but still, I do have a type that I am attracted to. I'm just...waiting for that type to no longer be my ex.

Which, then gets into my fatalism. How often does one find a person that checks all of your boxes, so to speak. In the history of my life, never, outside this past relationship. Which, has me worried, and saddened.