So the other night I had a nice little welcome back party. It was a pretty good time overall, and I'm glad people had fun, however somethings ended up bothering me. The main of which, was that I can't figure out what was bothering me. Usually I can spot these things pretty well, but this has been eluding me.
I know one of the things was that it was somewhat hijacked into a play party. While that is fine, I have no issues with play parties at all, in and of themselves. It wasn't what I was expecting, and so I think I was a bit taken aback, and felt left out of the party. While I did partake a bit, it simply wasn't my thing.
Towards the end, after I had already gotten somewhat uncomfortable, my ex told one of her friends playfully that ze loved him. It was just in that friendship sort of way, and I know there wasn't an romantic intent behind it. It bothered me however because of all the times I have said it to hir, it was never returned. So hearing words I wanted to hear thrown about so casually without any meaning to someone else hurt me. I know it was unintentional, but it is just that same lack of consideration that I get from so many people.
It isn't unusual. Most people don't think about these things, or give it much consideration. Perhaps that is why Denver (the boy from the previous post, as this is his new name on here) had such a draw for me. Being a Cancer, it seemed he picked up on the details better than most people.
I was going to write on about how I'm tired of being in love, and dating, but that would be a fallacy. I am simply tired of dating and loving the wrong people. Perhaps I just need to work on controlling myself, so that I don't fall so madly in love with everyone. It just, goes against my nature however. Being so closed off from people for so long, I want nothing more than to love everyone and be as close as possible to them.
I know one of the things was that it was somewhat hijacked into a play party. While that is fine, I have no issues with play parties at all, in and of themselves. It wasn't what I was expecting, and so I think I was a bit taken aback, and felt left out of the party. While I did partake a bit, it simply wasn't my thing.
Towards the end, after I had already gotten somewhat uncomfortable, my ex told one of her friends playfully that ze loved him. It was just in that friendship sort of way, and I know there wasn't an romantic intent behind it. It bothered me however because of all the times I have said it to hir, it was never returned. So hearing words I wanted to hear thrown about so casually without any meaning to someone else hurt me. I know it was unintentional, but it is just that same lack of consideration that I get from so many people.
It isn't unusual. Most people don't think about these things, or give it much consideration. Perhaps that is why Denver (the boy from the previous post, as this is his new name on here) had such a draw for me. Being a Cancer, it seemed he picked up on the details better than most people.
I was going to write on about how I'm tired of being in love, and dating, but that would be a fallacy. I am simply tired of dating and loving the wrong people. Perhaps I just need to work on controlling myself, so that I don't fall so madly in love with everyone. It just, goes against my nature however. Being so closed off from people for so long, I want nothing more than to love everyone and be as close as possible to them.
No comments:
Post a Comment