I am finally back home, and glad to be. Definitely an interesting experience however.
As a follow up to the last post, I talked to my ex and found out that I wasn't being ignored, but ze wanted to create distance. Reasonable enough I suppose, though I still find myself possessive and jealous over things. I believe that is normal as I still have some feelings there.
Seattle did my spirit worlds of good, after that we went down to Portland for a night, then to Denver to visit a friend of one of my companions. This is where the plot thickens.
My connection to this person was pretty strong, we share astrological signs, and we were flirting pretty heavily through the time I was there. When we went to a local Gay bar, I confirmed the feelings towards me, and things escalated from there.
Things didn't get terribly serious, we were, after all, sharing a room with my two other companions, and I am not a quiet girl usually. What I find curious about this encounter however, is the upfront fickleness of it, and my sexual attraction to him. As a self confessed "100% hetero", the attraction to a trans-woman is somewhat complicated. I wasn't sure what to think until he made his intentions clear later on that night. I had no issues with him though, he was cute, charming, considerate, intelligent, and basically enjoyable to the last detail. I can't honestly say my attraction isn't heightened due to contrast against my ex however.
Looking at it now, I think one of the issues was that my gender was never called into question, I always felt very feminine around him. being with someone taller and larger than me was also an enjoyable change. I'll spare you the details, but I found myself easily falling into a comfort zone around him that, had the situation been different, may have flourished in something of a relationship. Which, brings me to my last bit, the fickleness. This was not my first sexual encounter with a genetic male. One thing I find distasteful is their eagerness, and the lack of control they exude. I know this behavior because it use to be one of mine. I amused myself when I caught him doing motions and routines that I used to do. Being trans gives me sort of an playbook on how males work, more so I believe than genetic females, but I digress. I think we both just knew it wasn't going to amount to much, and so if we could give each other something enjoyable, then why not.
So why the entry then? Well I'd lie if I said casual sexual encounters were my favorite, but, I think in this case, no real harm was done. I wasn't assuming a purpose or cause in it like I had the last time I slept with my ex, and thus I have no real emotional attachment, aside from some pleasant notions that I would like to enjoy again at some time, with someone.
As a follow up to the last post, I talked to my ex and found out that I wasn't being ignored, but ze wanted to create distance. Reasonable enough I suppose, though I still find myself possessive and jealous over things. I believe that is normal as I still have some feelings there.
Seattle did my spirit worlds of good, after that we went down to Portland for a night, then to Denver to visit a friend of one of my companions. This is where the plot thickens.
My connection to this person was pretty strong, we share astrological signs, and we were flirting pretty heavily through the time I was there. When we went to a local Gay bar, I confirmed the feelings towards me, and things escalated from there.
Things didn't get terribly serious, we were, after all, sharing a room with my two other companions, and I am not a quiet girl usually. What I find curious about this encounter however, is the upfront fickleness of it, and my sexual attraction to him. As a self confessed "100% hetero", the attraction to a trans-woman is somewhat complicated. I wasn't sure what to think until he made his intentions clear later on that night. I had no issues with him though, he was cute, charming, considerate, intelligent, and basically enjoyable to the last detail. I can't honestly say my attraction isn't heightened due to contrast against my ex however.
Looking at it now, I think one of the issues was that my gender was never called into question, I always felt very feminine around him. being with someone taller and larger than me was also an enjoyable change. I'll spare you the details, but I found myself easily falling into a comfort zone around him that, had the situation been different, may have flourished in something of a relationship. Which, brings me to my last bit, the fickleness. This was not my first sexual encounter with a genetic male. One thing I find distasteful is their eagerness, and the lack of control they exude. I know this behavior because it use to be one of mine. I amused myself when I caught him doing motions and routines that I used to do. Being trans gives me sort of an playbook on how males work, more so I believe than genetic females, but I digress. I think we both just knew it wasn't going to amount to much, and so if we could give each other something enjoyable, then why not.
So why the entry then? Well I'd lie if I said casual sexual encounters were my favorite, but, I think in this case, no real harm was done. I wasn't assuming a purpose or cause in it like I had the last time I slept with my ex, and thus I have no real emotional attachment, aside from some pleasant notions that I would like to enjoy again at some time, with someone.
No comments:
Post a Comment