I wanted to tie this entry into my last because well, things have evolved in a sort of, unsatisfactory, apathetic way. Basically, I put myself into a place a vulnerability, and didn't get what I was looking for, at the cost of my pride. That didn't bode well, and I wrote a note on facebook about how I was through with dating. For the large part, I think it is mostly true, and that I mostly am. The benefits just simply don't outweigh the detractions.
This week however, I went to a dance club with a good twenty or so classmates from the university and had a blast. It was great to be desired, but at the same time, it helped reaffirm my muted attraction to people. In a way I feel I've redefined my definitions on attraction, which has helped.
So, after a bad night, and then a good night, things are just sort of a dimmed existence. I'm not actively looking to date anyone, though I'm not closed to the idea. I'm just giving any pursuit a good look over now that I'm actually emotionally active again (compared to my latest affair). I'm just in that sort of carefree apathy when you just loose all hope and accept the inevitable. So now it's just a matter of time and distance until I'm back to normal. I'm sad to see/say that those relationships with the parties involved have to go, but I've no real choice in the matter.
I was reading College Candy recently, and came across a blog entry about being single and confused. The paragraph I took a liking to is posted below, but it makes a lot of sense to me.
"it is one of the more confusing aspects of being a single girl; the moment that a guy starts being unavailable, we find ourselves convinced that he is our soul mate and become frantic to talk to him again. We confuse our feelings, letting our pride get in the way. We want so badly to be liked that we muddle our desire to be pursued and loved, and the desire to be with that person. Soon we’re planning a wedding to a kid who won’t even Facebook chat us when we’re both online. The same kid that we weren’t totally into just a few weeks before."
This week however, I went to a dance club with a good twenty or so classmates from the university and had a blast. It was great to be desired, but at the same time, it helped reaffirm my muted attraction to people. In a way I feel I've redefined my definitions on attraction, which has helped.
So, after a bad night, and then a good night, things are just sort of a dimmed existence. I'm not actively looking to date anyone, though I'm not closed to the idea. I'm just giving any pursuit a good look over now that I'm actually emotionally active again (compared to my latest affair). I'm just in that sort of carefree apathy when you just loose all hope and accept the inevitable. So now it's just a matter of time and distance until I'm back to normal. I'm sad to see/say that those relationships with the parties involved have to go, but I've no real choice in the matter.
I was reading College Candy recently, and came across a blog entry about being single and confused. The paragraph I took a liking to is posted below, but it makes a lot of sense to me.
"it is one of the more confusing aspects of being a single girl; the moment that a guy starts being unavailable, we find ourselves convinced that he is our soul mate and become frantic to talk to him again. We confuse our feelings, letting our pride get in the way. We want so badly to be liked that we muddle our desire to be pursued and loved, and the desire to be with that person. Soon we’re planning a wedding to a kid who won’t even Facebook chat us when we’re both online. The same kid that we weren’t totally into just a few weeks before."
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