Well, what can I say, I know a trans woman being depressed isn't exactly daring writing, but it is my life so, I dish it out as it comes. So, i'm trying to keep my fatalism and cynicism in check, but my main fear is that the end result of this journey will see me still unconfident in my appearance. I know I shouldn't worry about it, but there isn't much I can do but worry. I'm wanting to start HRT as soon as possible to see its results and one of the downsides of that is that it pushes me out of the safety zone. While I'm wanting that, it is also quite scarey, especially at the time and place I am at in life. I know I can probably hide the results for awhile, but I just don't know what the world is going to throw at me.
In other areas, I think some people still just don't have a good understanding of my motivations, I've been getting a lot of questions as to my capability to make life altering decisions. I counter this by saying at what point ARE you ready to make those decisions. Anyways, it is just going to come down to me taking more time to explain it to everyone who wants to question me. Not that it will change my mind or my plan, but it's important for them to understand.
In other areas, I think some people still just don't have a good understanding of my motivations, I've been getting a lot of questions as to my capability to make life altering decisions. I counter this by saying at what point ARE you ready to make those decisions. Anyways, it is just going to come down to me taking more time to explain it to everyone who wants to question me. Not that it will change my mind or my plan, but it's important for them to understand.
'Tis a rocky road indeed.
ReplyDeleteI know you are going through a lot, but for now this is the path, I guess. I think you felt it was not going to be that easy, but that you were going to have the courage to make the choice to walk it, because it was what you must do to ultimately feel free and be happy. This, we know, won't happen overnight. There must be some quote somewhere about nothing that's worth having comes without sweat and tears.
I don't know if it will help at all to contemplate that though probably annoying and at times infuriating. people DO need to ask. And ask again after they;ve processed the first time, and so on. You will know which of those people matter enough to invest the time with. Some ask better than others. We must forgive each other for being humans, often well meaning but inadequate.
My hope for you is that you will get something for yourself out of having those conversations, even if they seem stressful and repetitive.
You walked a road over who knows how long to get here, and now everybody else needs to catch up.Hang in there, because there will be a time that this will no longer be the issue.
Correction -- AN issue
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