Fuck you.

At this point I don't even know what to say anymore. I am so sick and tired of being forced to endure unbelievable inhuman bullshit simply because of who I am. It wouldn't be as bad, if I didn't have my trans status consistently shoved back into my face. It isn't just dealing with my body, that is a struggle in and of itself. In attempting to shop for dresses for my mother's upcoming wedding, every single dress Is worn by a model with features I can never have. Short of surgically altering my skeletal structure, my ribcage is never going to magical shrink its size, my shoulders will never be any less broad than they are. That I can usually tolerate on an average day.

What gets to me, is people, who think that because I'm trans, that it is appropriate to use that fact as an excuse to blow me off or suddenly express disinterest in me. It's enough to make a girl give up dating all together. Why should I even bother trying anymore, the few who express interest as it is always turn away as soon as they find out, so why not just beat them to the punch. Things like this make me feel like I'm destined to end up alone. Romantic possibilities always seem to boil down to fetishest or people I'm not attracted to. I apparently am not worthy of being with someone I actually like if I don't want to be alone.

Watching my mother get married doesn't help my feelings of isolation, loneliness, and longing. In many ways it feels like she is rubbing her cis privilege in my face on a daily basis. I've never wanted to be as far away from here as I do now.