Darker

Um, where to begin. I'm not sure what the thought process is among my friends, but be it simple scheduling conflicts, or some other reason, it seems we are not going to be visiting each other anytime soon. They enjoy going out without me it seems, and aren't going to alter there lives to fit around me. That is their prerogative, but at the same time don't expect me to sit around and listen to how much they miss me. I'm a busy girl these days and sitting around talking about things while doing something else does not strike me well.

The depression I fought off the other night comes and goes in waves, at times I can feel the energy drain out of me while I sit in front of my computer, and other days it doesn't seem to get to me. I've so far resisted the urges to self harm, but I know they are still there, lurking in the night. I did go to some awesome concerts this past week, and that really helped my spirits, but those tend to be few and far between. Meanwhile I'm getting pressured from all sides by a variety of things. My most hectic week of school is over, but there is still much to do before the semester is over and the real stress begins. That is a different entry though. Mainly, I'm just existing on a daily basis, the more tasks I have to do, the less time I have to wither and fall into despair.

I did have someone sleep along side me the other night. It was more a tease than anything else. While the person was quite attractive, the only contact our bodies made was a brief nudge when our feet touched in mid sleep. Well, I wasn't asleep, I spent much of the night curled in a ball off to the extreme side of the bed, trying not to cry myself to sleep. I suppose I could have made an advancement, but being rejected is not what I need right now.