Interesting predicaments...I'm trying to understand my motivations and emotions, which is strange to me as I"m usually pretty good at it. Not to say I don't have reason to be befuddled. I was recently intimate with someone who i'm very close to. This was the first time in a long time of abstinence, and i'm not quite sure what to make of it.
My first reactions were regret, and a desire to run from the relationship. Though later on I was fine being around the person and enjoyed hir company (note the gender neutral pronoun for those thinking it may be a typo). I can think of a couple of possible reasons why I wanted to leave, but not any that I can definitely say was the reason.
Which brings me to another issue, I like this person, and ze makes me very happy, but I keep finding myself looking at other people. I think the generally feeling is that things have gotten more serious than I intended, and though I do enjoy being with this person, there is something that pushes me away. What bothers me, is that I didn't feel this push prior to being intimate with this person.
Perhaps it is just the unfulfillment of intamcy that comes with hating ones body, and an act that utilizes the parts you hate is bound to make any act feel futile and meaningless.
Anyways, I doubt this will be the last entry on this subject.
My first reactions were regret, and a desire to run from the relationship. Though later on I was fine being around the person and enjoyed hir company (note the gender neutral pronoun for those thinking it may be a typo). I can think of a couple of possible reasons why I wanted to leave, but not any that I can definitely say was the reason.
Which brings me to another issue, I like this person, and ze makes me very happy, but I keep finding myself looking at other people. I think the generally feeling is that things have gotten more serious than I intended, and though I do enjoy being with this person, there is something that pushes me away. What bothers me, is that I didn't feel this push prior to being intimate with this person.
Perhaps it is just the unfulfillment of intamcy that comes with hating ones body, and an act that utilizes the parts you hate is bound to make any act feel futile and meaningless.
Anyways, I doubt this will be the last entry on this subject.
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